Life.Is.Loud!

My little angel is 5 this week and I could not be more proud of him.
He has opened my mind to so much since he came into this world.
I never pictured my baby's ability to teach me before I became a mother.
I hurled myself into the role of Motherhood without thinking really and now that I am here, I actually feel very humble to be his parent. I could spend my days wallowing in the fact that Autism can run our house from time to time each day but what would be the point in that? I have decided that I am going to give it my best shot.I figure he is my blank canvas and I have to pay attention to every detail to help him express himself.

I wish everyday that others could understand him the way I do. He is funny, caring, playful, clever and very happy. However other people only see the Autism that clouds his brilliant personality underneath it all.

Since everyone has heard he has been diagnosed with Autism, people tend to speak to him like he has hearing problems. Why is it so hard to understand that if someone is not looking into your eyes or responding to you immediately that they are not deaf?! They do not need you to speak slowly or enunciate every syllable, maybe there is so much going on in the room that they can not focus on a human voice. They are hearing the hum of the fridge or the lights are too bright or there is a dog barking, the TV is on or a phone ringing. If you really allow yourself to think of how life feels for them, Life is Loud! That said that does not mean you have to avoid talking to them all together, it is not that they do not want to talk to you, it is that they don't have the communication skills or social skills to initiate a chat with you.

 He has moments of clarity that absolutely amaze me, I have learned to appreciate every word, every glance, every kiss, every hug. It is a huge effort on our part as parents to help them be the best that they can be. I could not count the amount of times a day that I would think of how to make things easier for him, taking notes of things I should have a visual aid made for or a game that could help him comprehend how to share with his brother or how to make dressing himself easier and fun. It is all worth it when you get one of those moments of clarity, it can happen anytime.
We were practising his dressing routine one night before bed and he said to me "Mammy I want to dance, let's go!", That sentence was his first of that length and it was just so amazing to hear. I mean you really work on them and will them to speak and live for that first real conversation. The last few months he has had some emerging spontaneous speech and it really does leave you thirsty for more. Those moments are addictive, it is like a drug, you are getting your fix of happiness. There is real meaning in his words, it is not an echo from his favourite TV programme, or singing over you when you speak, it is real talking and eye contact. These days give you the strength to push through the bad days. We were sitting in the car park in a local retail outlet and he was staring out the window when all of a sudden he started to spell the names of the shops. "H E A T O N S" " H A R R Y  C O R R Y", now he didn't pronounce the words but he got each letter right. I swear these are the moments you wish there was a psychologist in the car so you can say see I told you he can do it. He has never done this in front of any of the early intervention team or teachers etc. Probably because the places you go to get these assessments carried out are so unfamiliar and the kids spend their time getting used to their surroundings as opposed to actually showing their true potential. Diddles has come such a long way since he turned 4, In a year it is unbelievable. Now if I could just get the services to harness it we would be flying! Until then we'll keep working on him.

Happy Birthday Diddles "Lub you very this much" xxxxxxxx




(pics courtesy of google images)